Just so unexpected.

I fell in love and I guess with the wrong person. Everything just went so unexpected. Having a boyfriend was really not on my mind until this guy came in my life where I met in SEATEL (my workplace). At first I'm not minding it. Yes I have a crush on him but I'm not being serious about it because again, love life is not on my mind, really. I used this "go with the flow" method in life and yeah, we became lovers after 2 months of being in the kilig-kilig stage. The first month went smoothly very good for us. The effort, the constant communication and the sweetness were there. But the following months became so rough for us. Jealousy, trust issues, time issues and a lot of issues that a couple can encounter. 

He is a busy person and I know that. Before I met him and before I entered his life, I know he's a busy human being and I accepted that. I understand every situation that he needs not to see me and call me because he's so busy with his work and he's also taking up his Master's Degree in Engineering. I understand that. Cancels of meet ups, not calling me that often, not texting me for 4 days, not saying I love you, not even saying I miss you, not giving me attention, forgetting my birthday, forgetting our month anniversary and all, again, I understand. I tried my hardest to understand all of those petty things as how he calls it. He told me bad words such as "gago" and "tarantado" but it was okay to me because I love him. Although my family and friends never told me those kinds of words, I just let it passed because I love him. I may sound stupid but it is my first time to feel a love like that towards a person. I never loved a guy like that. But until a day came where I knew something that I really can't accept. What was that he was having a secret affair with one of my colleague? How true was that? So many times he lied to me and now I did not want to ask him first because I don't know if I can still believe in him and so I confronted the girl. They were both consistent that they don't have secret relationship and that they were just friends. 

FRIENDS. My guy often calls her and not me. Often texts her and not me. Wants to fetch her everywhere and not me. Wants to see her and not me, GREAT! They are just FRIENDS. Shall I want us to be just friends then? No, I broke up with him. I was so mad. Maybe they really don't have a secret affair but I'm done. I already reached a point that I need to bring back the old me. The me that knows the value of myself. I am too precious for him to treat me like that. I was hurt, deeply hurt. I did not expect everything. It is my first time to get betrayed and got cheated. So this is how it feels. I don't want to feel it anymore. I'll just take this experience as a learning experience and so I'll be wiser the next time around. I might as well be thankful of what happened. 

But I still love him. I still care about him and I still think about him. But I don't want him back. What done is done. This might not be a beautiful goodbye but still this taught me a lot.