Mistake

September 14, 2011, the day that I've been waiting for since I graduated from college. I got my very first job ever in my life. I am a HRO Operations Assistant in People Depot, an outsourcing company. During my first day, I thought everything will be hard for me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and anxious but I was able to start well. I met Jena, Ms. Nikki and Ms. Grace first. They were all nice. Days passed and I am quite comfortable already with everyone and everything. I was happy, very happy. I love my tasks, my co-employees and everything. Even if I need to go home late and wake up early, I'm not minding it. Everytime I wake up in the morning, I always look forward with the tasks that I will do. Actually, I feel like I don't want to leave People Depot. The salary is not that high but the moment I started working there, I've been not after the salary anymore. I'm now after the experiences that I will acquire and the new things that I will learn. 

But I think, in every experience, there's something that we cannot really avoid. Something that will kill the momentum we already have. Mistakes. I know that mistake is a very big part of our lives. I mean, we can't really avoid doing some mistakes even how expert we are on certain things. Mistake always get in our ways. I also know that somehow, mistake is a good teacher. Mistake is a need. Mistake is necessary. But most of the time mistake sucks. Mistake kills the happiness inside us. Mistake gives us uneasiness. Mistake makes us feel unworthy. That's how exactly I felt when I had my first mistake with my first job.

The day before yesterday, Ms. Tetch taught me how to do HRS (HR Screeening). At first I was like, yes I can do that. I can do it well. But I never thought that I will be doing that (literally) with Ms. Tetch. I mean she'll be with me while doing it. It's nothing personal though. It's just, I am a type of person who can perform tasks very well if I am alone, if I am doing it by myself. As long as I am being oriented well, I can do my tasks very well. I don't want to elaborate more what have I done wrong because I don't want to remember it anymore. I just felt bad. I felt bad for myself because I know I could've done better. I could've done best. But I wasn't able to because I got nervous. I got very very nervous. I don't know why I don't have such confidence in myself. I don't know why I'm always scared of showing people what I can do best. I always think that people will underestimate me if I show myself at my best. Of course that will hurt me because I'm already showing my best and yet people still look down on me. I know this is some kind of paranoia but I really can't help it. I don't know what to do with this kind of attitude of mine. I am so pathetic. So much.

But I've got to realized something. Mistakes are really very important part of everyone's life. Mistake is a very good teacher for us to do better next time. Mistake gives us hope and helps us believe that there's always another chance for us to get things better the next time. But mistake also tells us that we should not make the same mistake over and over again. Mistake shows up to teach us that we should always be prepared for anything. We felt bad with our past mistakes, but sometimes we forget that mistake helps us stand again and be able to do things better even best the next time. Mistake also tells us that "next time" is not for another same mistake but a new you who learned from that mistake you did.

I am very much thankful with that mistake. I never thought I would feel this kind of toughness in me because of that. I never thought I would feel this kind of confidence in me because of that. With that mistake, for sure I'll do things very well next time.