Imma EXPLODE.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

     People know that I really am vocal with my feelings. They can even point me out as the best example of an extrovert individual. And so what's with me now? Honestly I deeply think about of blogging this because I know many will be able to read this and I don't know what reactions they will have when they read this. But now, I don't care at all. I badly need to let this out even just in this blog.

      There's no way for me to explode myself to where I am now.I can't even share this to my family. Right now, I feel like I'm going crazy and insane because I don't know what to do. I want to scream but there's no perfect place for me to do it. I want to talk to someone but I don't know whom to talk to about this. No one in here will understand me. The may just laugh at me or they may find me as crazy or worse, as a mentally retarded human being. I know my best friend will be able to understand me but I don't have the strength and courage to tell this to her. *sigh* I am so pathetic. :(

      I did self-examination thing and I just figured out one thing over and over again. I love KPOP. I love everything about it. I love Korea. I even consider myself as half Filipino and half Korean. I know I can't be someone to be called as Patriot but God knows that I love my country as much as I love myself. But that's not what I want to point out. I already cried for 4 nights straight because I'm really having a hard time keeping this, really. Maybe even just one person will be a big of help to me as long as he/she could understand me. 

      If my memory serves me right, I started to be a KPOP lover April of 2009. It's because of the Korean Drama, Boys Over Flower. I liked Kim Hyun Joong who played the role of Yoon Ji Hoo. He is the leader of the famous KPOP boy band SS501 which was the first ever KPOP group I loved. Then one day in MYX, the most popular music channel here in Philippines, I saw that SS501's MV of A Song Calling For You was in on the 12th spot in Myx Hit Chart. I was so happy back then. But after them there was a KPOP group that was able to get in as well and they were in the 11th spot. They are SHINee and the MV was Ring Ding Dong. Honestly, I hated them. I hated them for the reason that they dominated my favorite KPOP group. 

     In SHINee, KIM JONGHYUN caught my attention first. Maybe because of his blonde hair that time and because he's really an eye-catcher guy. But still I don't care about them back then. Yes they're quite good but still in my eyes, SS501 is the best. 

     March of 2010, I started downloading SHINee's songs and the first song I downloaded was Stand By Me which was one of the Original Sound Tracks of the drama BOF.Then after that I downloaded Ring Ding Dong and The Name I Loved. Because I am so bitter back then, while downloading their songs, I said to myself, "downloading their songs doesn't mean I like them already." Yeah, that's it.

     Then July of 2010 I got interested with this boy band. I really like Jonghyun and Key. They're good. I even liked their new released album, LUCIFER and I even listened to it over and over again. The song is indeed awesome. Slowly I noticed myself liking them and as time passes by I am loving them. :)

     I knew that they had a variety show and I wanted to watch it so I downloaded that show. I'm watching it every night before I sleep. The title of the show was "HELLO BABY" wherein they will act as APPAS (fathers) to a child. They will raise a child for 3 months Exciting right? ^^ So while watching the said show, I felt some kind of weird feeling that I never felt before. Honestly. I don't know what happened to me but they didn't just caught my eyes, they even got my heart. Yes, I love them now. The boy band I used to hate so much is now my most favorite KPOP group in the whole world. And not just favorite, more than that. I can't explain what's with me but I consider my feelings for them as special and magical. ♥

     I said that I like Jonghyun and Key, but now I can't even tell who I really like or who is my bias. I realized that I love them all in same level and I can't even rank them. They are all my bias. For me, they have their own unique talents and they are all best having those talents. They are all great and fantastic. They are really awesome in their own little pretty ways. They are the best for me.

     People knew that Lee Taemin, the maknae (youngest) of the group is my bias. Well about this, this is really something I need to release. I am so scared that no one will understand me. But I don't have any choice. If I don't do this, I'll be really crazy in no time. I love Lee Taemin. I love him not just being my idol or member of  my favorite KPOP band. I love him because I love him. He's my happiness and my inspiration. To SHINee, I consider myself as their sibling, friend, best friend and of course a FAN. I know that I AM JUST A FAN. But I don't want to consider myself as just that. I am more than that. But still I am proud to be their fan. :)

      I know I am not the only one who feel like this. Maybe they're just good in keeping their feelings but that's what I feel sorry for myself, I can't do that. T.T

Have you seen such a beautiful world? Well, that's my world. Shawol's World. SHINee WORLD. :)

August 24, 2010 I decided to enter and live in this world and so far I'm loving it. I even feel like not moving out and stay forever. Well, that's what I'm going to do. I'll stay and live in SHINee World FOREVER. :)

*MY SHINee BOYS*

That's my favorite picture of them. They look so happy. ^^

THE EVOLUTION

I call the above picture as the evolution of SHINee. From Replay days up to Hello days. More to follow. ^^ You can see how they improved. Especially my baby, Taemin. :)

MY FAVORITE FAMILY.

And now, to my FOREVER. <3

        I love you FOREVER. To a stranger like you, you made it easy for me to tell you the hardest word for me to say. I never wanted to make things hard for me but I chose to love you. I really can't help it. You are my happiness. I promise not to leave your side. I'll always be here no matter what. I won't leave your side unless you orders me. Sooner or later you'll have a girlfriend and someday you'll have a wife. But even that happens, I'll always be your number one fan. Even if you're an old man already, I'll still be your number one supporter. I'll always love you and day by day I'll love you more. :)

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