Wednesday, July 20, 2011

What I want?



"Ngayon, ang mga taong alam kong mas magaling ako, pakiramdam ko, mas magaling na sila kesa sa akin."

That's what I really feel now. I feel like everyone around me are so good in anything and they are doing things that they really like. They are happy and contented. But me, I feel so incomplete. Physically, Socially, and most of all Mentally. 


There are a lot of voices in my head. They are all asking and commanding me to do things I want and I don't. I feel like my heart is holding tons of burdens and grudges and there's no way for me to let it go. My heart is desiring of something but there's a part of me saying that I don't have the right to achieve it.


I want to make my own decisions. I want people to recognize me in my own skills, abilities, strengths and knowledge. I want to be the person I want to be. I want to regret  things because it's my fault. I want to rejoice because it's me who made it. I want to cry because I did something wrong or I did something right. I want to jump of joy because I worked hard for something. I want to hug my pillow tight and cry because I made a mistake. I want to realize things with my own. I want to solve problems with my own. I want to be independent. I want to be myself. 


But now, I really don't know who I am. I don't know what I did right and what I did wrong. I don't know where to go or how to go to a certain place in the world. I don't know if I'm doing great or I'm doing worst. I don't know anything. I am useless, I am stupid, I AM NOTHING.


What I really want? Where I really want to go? What? T.T





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